Longing

I wish for the simpler times gone by,
When I knew who I was and didn’t ask “Why?”
Why do people worry over what others do?
Why can I not live as I’m longing to?
Why am I lost in the past that I’m from?
Why must I hide this woman I’ve become?

I wish to live my life in my own way
And quit conforming to what others say.
For who’s to judge me the choices I make?
And who can tell me the path I must take?
“The world can be yours, go find your own niche.”
Unless, of course, its not what they pick.

I wish for companionship here in my life,
But emptiness cuts my heart as a knife.
Surrounded by family but ever alone.
Gone is the girl that they always had known.
If only they knew of my struggles within,
I constantly worry they’ll hear of my sin.

I wish to cut off the bonds of “white lies,”
Be true to myself, be free from this guise.
Nothing will change without action first,
So now I move to conquer soul’s thirst.
Although I’m not the purest white flower,
I strive to improve with all of my power.

I wish for comfort. Will they understand?
Still share their love once I show them my hand?
More questions than answers arising for me
As I fight the internal war to be free.
But freedom will come; I do what I must,
Even if their response is unkind or unjust.

© Eliza Winkler, 2013

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